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HUMOR ME...... JOKE OF THE DAY LOL

4 months 3 weeks ago - 4 months 3 weeks ago #7963 by Rhonda Bethune

Angela wrote: I was pulled over by a Policeman for speeding. I wound down my window when he came over and said ":Papers" I said "Scissors, I win" and drove off.


I love that joke

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4 months 3 weeks ago #7962 by Rhonda Bethune
Hilarious
The following user(s) said Thank You: Bruce, Global Events NZ Collective

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5 months 5 days ago #7609 by Kevinrealstewbiz
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command "! http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember,overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend! Food 3.0 and HotLingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support
The following user(s) said Thank You: wayne kemp, Angela, Global Events NZ Collective

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5 months 5 days ago #7608 by Kevinrealstewbiz
So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice:
"You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle."

At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads.
" "Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Global Events NZ Collective

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5 months 5 days ago #7607 by Kevinrealstewbiz
A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot.
Across the bar, a Mexican man is sitting and glaring at the cowboy. The cowboy takes the shot and slams the shot glass down on the counter, yelling, "TGIF!"
The Mexican orders a shot, takes it, and slams his glass down, yelling, "SPIT!"
The cowboy looks over at him and notices the Mexican guy is still staring at him. The cowboy once again orders a shot, slams it down, and yells again "TGIF!"
Once again, the Mexican orders a shot, slams it down after consuming it, and yells out, "SPIT!"
This goes on for a while, and the bartender stands puzzled and annoyed.
Finally, the bartender asks the cowboy, "Just checking, but do you know what TGIF means?" and the cowboy replies, "Hell ya I know what it means, 'Thank God It's Friday!'"
The bartender asks the Mexican guy, "Okay, so what does 'SPIT' mean?" and the Mexican replies, "Stupid Pendejo It's Thursday!"

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5 months 5 days ago #7606 by Kevinrealstewbiz
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

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5 months 1 week ago #7537 by Ilona
Is a surprise. I vote for these posts. We make presentations in another hypostasis
www.facebook.com/groups/171474049611665/

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5 months 1 week ago #7505 by onieceg

Foundation Member
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The following user(s) said Thank You: wayne kemp, Rob Evans, Barbarella, Rhonda Bethune, Deb Deb

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5 months 1 week ago #7426 by Bruce
Here's a bit of British comedy you will enjoy.
www.facebook.com/simonnyoung/posts/10155...if_t=comment_mention
The following user(s) said Thank You: Kevinrealstewbiz

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5 months 1 week ago #7411 by Angela
Two Irishmen out of work saw a billboard advertising " Tree Fellers wanted " . tha't's no good for us says Paddy, There's only two of us.

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5 months 1 week ago #7389 by onieceg
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

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The following user(s) said Thank You: Gill Poole, Kevinrealstewbiz, Barbarella, Ilona, Rhonda Bethune

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5 months 1 week ago #7377 by Viv Hill

Kevinrealstewbiz wrote: An Australian man and his wife are sitting in the living room. Bruce says: "Just so you know, Shirl, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

Shirl gets up, unplugs the TV and throws out all his beer.



Ha ha...that is sooo funny Kevin. Love it!
The following user(s) said Thank You: Rhonda Bethune

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5 months 1 week ago #7361 by Paddy Delaney
Lol very good

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5 months 1 week ago #7360 by Kevinrealstewbiz
An Australian man and his wife are sitting in the living room. Bruce says: "Just so you know, Shirl, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

Shirl gets up, unplugs the TV and throws out all his beer.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Rhonda Bethune

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5 months 1 week ago #7359 by Kevinrealstewbiz
paddy englishman,paddy irishman ,and paddy china man out looking for work.
they came across a building site and the foreman offered them jobs.
'paddy englishman,you drive the j.c.b.,paddy irishman you look after the workers and paddy chinaman you can look after the supplies.i'll check on ye later'
later on the foreman came back to find paddy englishman and paddy irishman working away, but no sign of paddy chinaman.
'lads where's paddy chinaman?'
just then paddy chinaman jumps out from behind him and screams,

'SUPPLIES!!!!'
The following user(s) said Thank You: Rhonda Bethune

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5 months 1 week ago #7358 by Kevinrealstewbiz
Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman haven't see each other for a year so they meet up for a drink.

During the year all of them have had a son. Paddy Englishman says: "It's funny cause my son was born on Saint George's day so we ended up calling him George."

Paddy Scotsman says:"Man that's strange cause my son was born on St. Andrew's day and we called him Andrew."

Paddy Irishman says: "Jaysus that's exactly the same thing with my son Pancake"

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5 months 1 week ago #7355 by Kevinrealstewbiz

Barbarella wrote: Not a nice suprise LOL


bugga lol

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5 months 1 week ago #7354 by Barbarella
Not a nice suprise LOL
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The following user(s) said Thank You: Rhonda Bethune

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5 months 1 week ago #7352 by Kevinrealstewbiz
The following user(s) said Thank You: Ilona

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5 months 1 week ago #7330 by Angela
I was pulled over by a Policeman for speeding. I wound down my window when he came over and said ":Papers" I said "Scissors, I win" and drove off.

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